Chapter 1: A Cultural Conundrum
So, after quite
a bit of stress and frustration; of pain and heartache, I believe I have
discovered where my problems are and why I have been in such emotional pain and
stress since I began this journey- my lens. In sociology and culture, the lens
of the observer is what creates the largest effect on what is perceived to be
observed. What do I mean? I mean that how you look at something will determine
how you feel about it. To me, this has been a very personal journey. I look at
these children and families and I see my husband and his family. In every child
I pass on the street, I see the face of my husband as a child. While on the
spiritual journey to Lamanai (yes, spiritual), we passed through a town which
had only received power for the first time the week before. I was actually in
tears on the bus- imagining how my husband must have grown up. As an observer,
it is almost impossible to keep your own bias out of what you are observing.
However, running checks on yourself can be very helpful. I cried in the shower
last night- a cathartic, release of tension- when I realized that my
personalization, the lens that I have been viewing this experience through may
have been jaded. Perhaps it was not my failure as a person, but rather the observer’s
lens which I have been using. It was a relief and a good moment of recognition.
Chapter 2: Relation
What helped
to further strengthen my realization was an article which a mentor of mine had
sent to me a few months ago: “These families are just like yours — with one
important difference.” ( http://ideas.ted.com/these-families-are-just-like-yours-with-one-important-difference/?utm_campaign=social
). With refugees, labels are assigned and it is hard for anyone to look past
that label. The one-time mechanic becomes a refugee. Instead of this being
something which has happened to the mechanic, the term refugee now becomes a
definition to him. It is sad, but it happens all the time. Even being as
attached to refugees as I am and understanding that there is so much more to a
person than his or her status as a refugee, I have done a similar thing to
these children and their families. I have looked at them in a way which makes
me feel so sad for them- as if these children are missing out on a great life
because they are not living in the States with us. I have placed a financial
tie to the value of life these children have because of a personal lens and
bias. However, checking my bias, I realized that these babies have a cultural
wealth which many in the States do not have- they have community, a true
community. I see these children unselfishly share with one another, I see the
parents look after their children like they hold all the wealth in the world, I
see grandparents working to care for grandchildren when parents have to be away
to make money on the mainland. Yes, these circumstances can be sad and can be
personal. However, they can also be a gift of strength and community for these
children.
Chapter 3: Deep Breaths
So after a
week of struggling, I have discovered the foundation of a large portion of my
problems. I believe experiences over the weekend have helped me to release some
of that tension and take some deep breaths. Lamanai was truly spiritual to me.
I have overcome some serious fears and trepidations on this trip and especially
at Lamanai. The snorkel trip seemed to be the break I needed. I truly enjoyed
myself all day- well, minus some salt water up my nose. It has helped to
prepare me for the week ahead and hopefully has helped me to readjust my lens.
I look forward to this week, with some trepidation (I am not that good at
readjusting and letting go), but also with hope. Let’s see what this week holds…
