Thursday, July 28th, 2016

So, the big question on everyone's mind... do I still feel like I did Tuesday? Truthful answer- yes and no. Yes, this is a lot for me. Aside from a recent cruise my dad took, no one in my family has ever been outside of the country. In a lot of ways, I am an outlier in my family and Belize is beginning to highlight that for me. To say this is an emotional journey for me would be the understatement of a lifetime. So what have I learned so far?

1. I have official reassurance that I am a good teacher, no matter what age. I have been able to walk into these classrooms with confidence, teach these babies and handle situations as they arise. I have also been able to walk away when I realize that my presence will not help a situation. I feel very good about my teaching skills and even some of my leadership skills- whether I like it or not...

2. I truly am comfortable in other cultures. I don't feel out of place or weird. I am happy to speak with locals. The hardest thing for me is seeing the financial disparity some of the families go through and not being able to really do anything about it.

Surprise Street Festival- Costa Maya Kickoff.

3. I am spoiled. I knew this already, but being in an area where water is something that is not easy to come by- I am further pushed to this realization.

Empty lot full of trash beside the school.

4. Seeing the way so many people live out here makes my heart hurt for my husband and so many others like him that grew up in such a hard way. When you see a child selling bracelets just to make a little money, you can't help but have your heart ache a little. Knowing someone personally who grew up in something like this, it hurts a little more.

5. I am stronger than I ever realized, even though I feel I am coming apart at the seams. I do not yet know why this experience hurts me so bad, why it puts me in tears, why I can't even seem to get through a post without crying- but something does seem to be pulling on me. It seems like this will push me some way, whether that be crazy or forward, I am being pushed. But I know I have to stay this out, I have to complete this because I would never forgive myself and I may never know what my push is for...