Part 1- "Co-Teachers"
The differences that I have from so many of them makes it difficult to connect. At this point, I still want to go home every day. I am honestly not sure this was the right choice for me. I am in tears every day, talking to my family wanting to go home. I was just looking for an earlier flight home and I'm trying to decide if it is worth the fee to make the change. I think it will be.
I am also having a hard time with continually being forced into the leadership role because no one else will step up. I have half-way thought about going home early just to make someone else put on big girl pants and do it. I have seen their looks and heard their mumbling when I give an idea or lay out a plan- but I don't see anyone else trying to do it! It is frustrating and it is hurtful! I listen, I incorporate ideas, I make schedules. And yet, when things go well- no appreciation or acknowledgement of what I did well. It gets old. I have been here, I have experience, why don't you step up and try something?!
Part 2- "The Culture"
I can honestly say I do not feel uncomfortable with the culture. I notice my idiosyncrasies with the locals. I have a hard time waiting around for food. I don't know if I could ever get use to a meal taking an hour to be prepared. Then again, if I wasn't in a hurry, would it really matter?
I believe one of the hardest things for me to accept here is the education. I know that these teachers are doing amazing things with what they have. But, it really hurts me to see these babies so far behind where they should be. It hurts my soul. I try to find ways to encourage them to stick with school and push further. But, I cut myself short today- I don't want to insult their parents or their cultures. I just want the best for them! It can be hard to find a balance.
Part 3- "The Experience"
I don't know. I like finding new things. I like trying new foods and having new experiences. I honestly think we are doing too much some days. It is a lot to come down here and then be busy all day and night... it is hard. I did not feel ready for this. Perhaps it is me. I hate to be so negative. It is not me to be so negative. But, I spend all day plastering a smile on my face. I am looking for flights out... we shall see. Sometimes I feel like I have enough going on in my personal life and that this may have just been the worst of the worst timing. Sometimes I feel like this was just not meant for me. Perhaps I need to put my big girl panties on? Let's see what the rest of this week holds...
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